A few years ago, I remember being stuck in evening traffic on Mombasa Road. It was a Thursday around five-fifteen, I had sped out of the office yard in my station-wagon, ready to pick up my girlfriend in Westlands. Minutes later, I was staring at Capital Centre across the road and wishing I could take a few minutes and rest. Looking at the time, I realise I am running late. It has been over ten minutes and traffic has barely moved two metres.
Always the planner, I pick up my cell phone and call my lady to find out how her day is going. One glance at the time on the dash board and I guess she is packing up and getting ready to spend some quality time together. She picks up after several rings and says,
‘Hi! You in the car park already?’
‘Hey! No, not yet. There’s traffic on Mombasa Road but I expect it will move soon. Give me about 40 minutes and I will be there!’ I respond, eager to see her.
‘Oh! Okay, looks like you my have to give me another half-hour Or more, once you get here. There’s this new account and I need to analyse some new data ready for an early meeting tomorrow…’ Her voice fading in my own head because I cannot believe she did not call to warn me.
‘Okay, but I thought we are doing a movie tonight and a quick meal after? Won’t we be late for the movie?’ I ask, a little more agitated than earlier. Flustered, I add,
‘Irene, I now your work is important to you but we must both try and find some time to spend together. The past few weekends have been busy for both of us. The next few are busy as well…’
‘Well… I really need to get this done. You will just have to bear with me. It’s only tonight,’ she answers softly. I hear her nails tapping on her laptop keys and I start to feel more irritated. ‘We could sit and have a late meal together….’ her voice trailing off. I hear her fingers tapping the keyboard some more. ‘Oh! Where was I? Hmmm…. You can come and wait if you like. This project is urgent. If not, take me home and we can eat at my parent’s place.’ Just like that, she stops and is instantly lost in her typing, indifferent to whether I will answer or not.
‘I gotta go,’ she interjects, ‘my boss is walking over to me and most likely wants us to meet briefly. Let me call you back!’ Click! She abruptly ends the call.
I imagine her perking up in her seat, waiting for the director to walk over and add yet another list of demands. I am confused. She really does not like the job but is focused on a promotion. Irene gets upset at the long hours but gives her best work. Admirable but strange, I think. As long as she is happy and it makes sense to her.
It is hot in the car and the air conditioning doesn’t seem to be doing much. The sun is searing the left side of my face and I can’t get the passenger seat sun-shade angled well-enough to block it. I loosen my tie and listen, waiting for her answer. All this time, I wonder where we are headed. Things are getting tough between us and she is putting everyone and everything first, before us. We have made big plans for a life together. We made everything plain and clear. Is that not enough?
At this point, I do not know what to think. I am steaming in the car, someone is trying to cut me off, in traffic. Then I manage to edge both front windows down, under the external sun and wind protectors on the doors. I turn off the air conditioning, since I have plenty of time to get there and shift to a more comfortable position. Thankfully, the sun is settled behind the one cloud in the sky. I begin to breathe in deeply, thinking over that phone call.
A few months earlier, I had broken up with another girl. Well, a dear friend with whom I had an easy going and very loving relationship. For no apparent reason… okay, since I began to show interest in This current one, we broke up. Well, it was all about settling down with an ‘ideal’ girl, acceptable to the family. Here I am, dating ideal and my life is not going anywhere I want it to go! We are so far from an ideal relationship and upset that every single one of my best laid plans were put down.
Sitting in silence, I begin to realise this relationship is falling off a cliff. My girlfriend had put finally everything in her life ahead of me. I have been feeling like the last choice in her life but had not given it thought. It has been weeks since we had a light moment together. I had come to put her first, picking and dropping her at every appointment or visit, taking her grocery shopping, which I cannot stand. In the last month, she has had me sitting in the parking lot outside her office for up to two hours, as she tends to her work. It suddenly hit me. I can no longer go on. She is the ideal A few friends and family want for me, but our differences have fully and finally played out.
I think over our brief chat. The last seven weeks or so, have seen us endure different disappointments. Feeling taken for-granted, as I take her home almost every day and sometimes and on the weekends, as well. What more does she want? Haven’t I been patient and loving in the past 15 months? Beginning to believe she sees me as no longer worth it. Beyond disappointing. I see an imminent heartbreak coming.
I pick up my mobile phone. I have made my decision, albeit after some delay. She picks up, traffic is moving and I decide to make it quick.
‘Hey! I have been giving it some thought. This is not working and it’s not going to. Sorry to tell you like this, but it’s over!’ I say, evenly and confidently. Feeling fed up but speaking every truth left in me about us.
‘You know if you get here, we can resolve this…’ she says, matter of fact, calm as ever. ‘Are you saying my work is unimportant or what exactly are you trying to say?’ She asks, clearly exasperated. ‘If this is about your former girlfriend, Em, isn’t it? Have you been with her all this time? Is that it? Tell me why I should trust…’ she begins to weep.
Memories are flooding my mind. Strangely , I feel no attachment to them. Perfect pictures but washed out love. The more I remember, the more tired I become. A twinge rises in the small of my back as it dawns on me, I can no longer carry this relationship alone. I am invested but she draws out more, faster than she puts into it. This is not love for me. Maybe it is, for her, just not for me.
‘No, it is done. I am done running around doing everything for you and you choose not to make time, every time. There is no way to resolve this. It has been coming for months now. I am done. I am out. I’m sorry and honestly wish you nothing but the best. Bye!’ My final words broke the cords. I felt relaxed and quietly relieved. No drama. A tidy end.
I turn up the music and draw my breathe in, deep and slow. Relief covers my body and the twinge in my back is gone. The temperatures seem to have eased up and traffic is now moving. As I turn on some music, I smile and enjoy the disentangled-ness. I have finally turned a a good corner.
The soothing jazz takes me back to good times. Remembering my last relationship, the ease and frankness of it. The love was real. If I cannot have her back, then I will do my best to be her friend, if she will have me. She’s a decisive one, that one thing is certain. My heart feels the need to hear a friendly voice and to be taken seriously.
I pick my phone and call my ex-girlfriend, still my friend. She answers after a few rings.
‘Hello?’ She is polite but not ecstatic. Oh no!
‘Hey! I’m thinking I buy you some ice cream and tell you I just called and finally broke with…’ I try my best to sound courageous, knowing full well, she can judge the state of my heart.
‘What? When? Why? I thought…’ Em takes it all in, standing by me, even after all the things I put her through. I marvel at the fact she never got round to hating me. I should have earned her mistrust after rubbing it in, about Irene.
‘Let me come and see you, if you’re not busy. I want to see you, if that’s okay?’ I ask, playing up the good guy I had been with her.
‘Sure but don’t you need to take some time and think it through?’ She asks, giving me the chance to check myself. ‘It’s important you don’t rush into breaking up.’
‘I’ll be fine when I see you. Let’s just talk. I know I messed up and I really shouldn’t be asking. Let me make it up to you!’ I am honest, figuring out I have nothing to lose after a series of bad choices.
We talk for another half hour on the phone and once it’s evident there is so much to talk about, we agree to catch over ice cream. This has been a long time coming. Once I hang up the phone, I take a left at Nyayo Stadium and cruise on.
Em and I meet, we reconnect with so much joy and still no judgment. We chat for hours and catch-up on just a bit. There is so much more we need to share, so we handle each other carefully. We begin to rekindle the friendship. By the end of the evening, I know this is the woman my heart loves. I can see it in her eyes too but we take time to recover, then reconnect.
I know she will not make it easy for me. I know now to take better care of her heart. Em is strong but she does not stand for nonsense. There is so much more on this story to share. in a few days!
Short Stories & Poems by WarmBreezeBliss 